KoD
11-29-2007, 03:26 AM
So. It says talk about your personal life and problems here, so I think I just might. Although, it seems like not many people have taken the thread seriously, I'm going to, just so I can vent off a bit. Laugh if you must, but this is all true. And its hardly laughable for me.
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I'm in year 10, nearly finished, bout a week or two to go.
---
The story starts about 2 weeks into term one. I'd just broken up with a girlfriend I'd had for about a year and a bit, It wasn't an angry break up, or a sad one. We just both agreed that we were over each other, and the decision was joint. Anyway. This new girl comes to school, and I thought nothing of her at the time. She looked good, sure. But I didn't think that my life would have so much to do with her in the terms that followed. By the end of term one, we were going out. Now. Not many people agreed with it, because I'd only just broken up with my previous girlfriend. My own sister even called me a player. My parents thought it was to fast. Only my closest friends stuck by me through the entire thing.
We were going so great, we spent every minute together, we were more than just boyfriend and girlfriend. We were best friends. But alas, It wasn't meant to last. And all because I made a massive fucking mistake.
On July 17th, my very good mate had his birthday party. There was only a handful of us. About 9 or 10. We just hung out, there were no drinks, we just watched movies, talked, laughed. It was starting out as a good night.
Most of us were going to stay the night, but unfortunately things got confused for my girlfriend, and she ended up not being able to. I was devastated about it. Not because I wanted to 'score' with her, just because she was so much fun to be with and laugh with. But like I said, she couldn't.
My ex girlfriend was at the party. A girl, whom my girlfriend hated, just because she annoyed the shit out of her and was really cold towards her. When my girlfriend left the party, and everyone started to sleep, Myself, my ex girlfriend, and two other friends all jumped in a bed to sleep. The other two fell asleep, and my ex and I started talking about how much we missed our girlfriend/boyfriend.
Anyway. Things went on, and it led to me cheating on my girlfriend. I wont go into detail. As soon as it happened, I got a mass wave of regret. I knew that I'd fucked up. And I loved my girlfriend so much that I didn't want to lose her. Ever. So, when I went home, I jumped on msn, and talked to my ex. I said that we had to NEVER tell anyone. NEVER. She agreed.
I couldn't do it. I felt so guilty and shitty that with in hours, I was on the phone to my girlfriend. I told her. And the silence that followed was pure pain.
Anyway, I get to school and my girlfriend walks up to me, gives me a letter and turns away. In short, the letter was very...angry. But she said she didn't want to break up with me. I was so thankful, for a week. Then she dumped me. Saying that she couldn't trust me and that I'd hurt her deeply.
I can tell this is getting insanely long, and that people wont want to read all of it, But hey...I feel a bit better getting it all off my chest.
Anyway. I'm heart broken. I go away for a week with my mate, and return home to find that shes got a new boyfriend. I still stayed her best friend, and I even help her set up a few things with this boy, even though I loved, and still do, her.
He then ends up just completely ignoring her. And then rumors start about how she apparently cheated on me (with a different guy to the one that started ignoring her), before I cheated on her, and was just waiting for an excuse to break up with me.
Months pass, and the guy that started the rumors, and the guy she 'apparently' was having it off with, while still with me, made my life hell. They became good friends. Really good friends. He had his driving license so he always drove out to her house. A few more weeks pass, and she tells me that she wants to get back together with me, (Note; the rumors that that guy made up were not true) and that she just needed time.
I was over the moon.
But then the school held its yearly drama/music/dance concert. And I catch her and this guy holding hands. I wanted to kill him. The feeling of hatred that ran through my body that night, and days after, was...incredible.
She comes to school the next day and tells me that she still loves me, and feels so bad for what she did. I forgave her.
A few weeks later, my first ex (Clare) has her birthday party. I wanted my answer from Brianna (The girlfriend I just cheated on) on whether or not we were going to get back together. It ended with a no.
So I was shattered, once again.
She then, a few more months later. Goes out with the guy that started all the rumors (Tim). Please note this few key facts:
1. He wrecked her friendship with many of the girls. All the girls at our school think she is a complete slut.
2. He's made he cry many times.
3. Hes made mine and hers friendship really rocky, and nearly end.
Now, why the fuck does she give him a second chance, and not me?
Dont have a clue. It cut me to the bone though. I cried, for the second time. (Cried when she broke up with me). Yeah. Manly, huh.
Anywho. Quick step forward: He lies through his teeth to her about me, and she catches on. She dumps him. He hates me. I hate him. He finishes school (Was in year 12).
Things slowly start to pick up from there. We become closer and closer, and we've prolly hooked up at every thing we've gone out to.
However, through this entire thing, I have become insanely protective of her. She has a really really really close friend. Shes one of her old ex's. He still has the hots for her. I become very jealous of any guy that even looks at her. I hate every guy that rips her off, has fun with her, flirts with her, anything. And i hate it. I cannot stand it. Its caused more fights than I can explain.
Now, the jealousy leads to an anger. And the anger leads to a depression. I got bitten by a spider the other day, and all I thought was 'Please please please be poisonous' - Every day I always think 'Things would be so much easier if I was just dead'. I hate school. I hate life. I hate everything.
My formal is tomorrow night, I'm going with Brianna. My parents are being complete pricks and will not let me attend the after party. I'm arguing with one of my best friends, over something thats so stupid and pointless. I've made her cry about it to. And I feel so bad. Yet when ever I talk to her, I'm cold, and a complete prick. I want to say sorry, but pride stands in my way.
I've burned names into my arm. I've cut names into my arm. I've cut up my chest all because of the 'thrill of the pain'.
I feel like I hate everyone. Like there is nothing worth living for in my life. And quite honestly; I really do just want to die. For it to all end now.
Want to know whats keeping me from actually doing it?
'If I die, I wont be able to talk to Brianna'.
Its that thought. She literally is keeping me alive.
I hate my life, I hate my family, I hate most of my friends. Nothing seems to make me happy anymore.
Call me emo, call me stupid, say its 'typical teenage life' - whatever.
I dont expect advice, I dont expect sympathy. I just need people I can actually talk to about it, because to be quite frank, my friends have told me to just 'Get over it'.
Some friends.
---
I'm in year 10, nearly finished, bout a week or two to go.
---
The story starts about 2 weeks into term one. I'd just broken up with a girlfriend I'd had for about a year and a bit, It wasn't an angry break up, or a sad one. We just both agreed that we were over each other, and the decision was joint. Anyway. This new girl comes to school, and I thought nothing of her at the time. She looked good, sure. But I didn't think that my life would have so much to do with her in the terms that followed. By the end of term one, we were going out. Now. Not many people agreed with it, because I'd only just broken up with my previous girlfriend. My own sister even called me a player. My parents thought it was to fast. Only my closest friends stuck by me through the entire thing.
We were going so great, we spent every minute together, we were more than just boyfriend and girlfriend. We were best friends. But alas, It wasn't meant to last. And all because I made a massive fucking mistake.
On July 17th, my very good mate had his birthday party. There was only a handful of us. About 9 or 10. We just hung out, there were no drinks, we just watched movies, talked, laughed. It was starting out as a good night.
Most of us were going to stay the night, but unfortunately things got confused for my girlfriend, and she ended up not being able to. I was devastated about it. Not because I wanted to 'score' with her, just because she was so much fun to be with and laugh with. But like I said, she couldn't.
My ex girlfriend was at the party. A girl, whom my girlfriend hated, just because she annoyed the shit out of her and was really cold towards her. When my girlfriend left the party, and everyone started to sleep, Myself, my ex girlfriend, and two other friends all jumped in a bed to sleep. The other two fell asleep, and my ex and I started talking about how much we missed our girlfriend/boyfriend.
Anyway. Things went on, and it led to me cheating on my girlfriend. I wont go into detail. As soon as it happened, I got a mass wave of regret. I knew that I'd fucked up. And I loved my girlfriend so much that I didn't want to lose her. Ever. So, when I went home, I jumped on msn, and talked to my ex. I said that we had to NEVER tell anyone. NEVER. She agreed.
I couldn't do it. I felt so guilty and shitty that with in hours, I was on the phone to my girlfriend. I told her. And the silence that followed was pure pain.
Anyway, I get to school and my girlfriend walks up to me, gives me a letter and turns away. In short, the letter was very...angry. But she said she didn't want to break up with me. I was so thankful, for a week. Then she dumped me. Saying that she couldn't trust me and that I'd hurt her deeply.
I can tell this is getting insanely long, and that people wont want to read all of it, But hey...I feel a bit better getting it all off my chest.
Anyway. I'm heart broken. I go away for a week with my mate, and return home to find that shes got a new boyfriend. I still stayed her best friend, and I even help her set up a few things with this boy, even though I loved, and still do, her.
He then ends up just completely ignoring her. And then rumors start about how she apparently cheated on me (with a different guy to the one that started ignoring her), before I cheated on her, and was just waiting for an excuse to break up with me.
Months pass, and the guy that started the rumors, and the guy she 'apparently' was having it off with, while still with me, made my life hell. They became good friends. Really good friends. He had his driving license so he always drove out to her house. A few more weeks pass, and she tells me that she wants to get back together with me, (Note; the rumors that that guy made up were not true) and that she just needed time.
I was over the moon.
But then the school held its yearly drama/music/dance concert. And I catch her and this guy holding hands. I wanted to kill him. The feeling of hatred that ran through my body that night, and days after, was...incredible.
She comes to school the next day and tells me that she still loves me, and feels so bad for what she did. I forgave her.
A few weeks later, my first ex (Clare) has her birthday party. I wanted my answer from Brianna (The girlfriend I just cheated on) on whether or not we were going to get back together. It ended with a no.
So I was shattered, once again.
She then, a few more months later. Goes out with the guy that started all the rumors (Tim). Please note this few key facts:
1. He wrecked her friendship with many of the girls. All the girls at our school think she is a complete slut.
2. He's made he cry many times.
3. Hes made mine and hers friendship really rocky, and nearly end.
Now, why the fuck does she give him a second chance, and not me?
Dont have a clue. It cut me to the bone though. I cried, for the second time. (Cried when she broke up with me). Yeah. Manly, huh.
Anywho. Quick step forward: He lies through his teeth to her about me, and she catches on. She dumps him. He hates me. I hate him. He finishes school (Was in year 12).
Things slowly start to pick up from there. We become closer and closer, and we've prolly hooked up at every thing we've gone out to.
However, through this entire thing, I have become insanely protective of her. She has a really really really close friend. Shes one of her old ex's. He still has the hots for her. I become very jealous of any guy that even looks at her. I hate every guy that rips her off, has fun with her, flirts with her, anything. And i hate it. I cannot stand it. Its caused more fights than I can explain.
Now, the jealousy leads to an anger. And the anger leads to a depression. I got bitten by a spider the other day, and all I thought was 'Please please please be poisonous' - Every day I always think 'Things would be so much easier if I was just dead'. I hate school. I hate life. I hate everything.
My formal is tomorrow night, I'm going with Brianna. My parents are being complete pricks and will not let me attend the after party. I'm arguing with one of my best friends, over something thats so stupid and pointless. I've made her cry about it to. And I feel so bad. Yet when ever I talk to her, I'm cold, and a complete prick. I want to say sorry, but pride stands in my way.
I've burned names into my arm. I've cut names into my arm. I've cut up my chest all because of the 'thrill of the pain'.
I feel like I hate everyone. Like there is nothing worth living for in my life. And quite honestly; I really do just want to die. For it to all end now.
Want to know whats keeping me from actually doing it?
'If I die, I wont be able to talk to Brianna'.
Its that thought. She literally is keeping me alive.
I hate my life, I hate my family, I hate most of my friends. Nothing seems to make me happy anymore.
Call me emo, call me stupid, say its 'typical teenage life' - whatever.
I dont expect advice, I dont expect sympathy. I just need people I can actually talk to about it, because to be quite frank, my friends have told me to just 'Get over it'.
Some friends.